


Worth the sin

by Beanshiee



Category: Far Cry 5
Genre: Angst, Deal With It, Drama, F/M, John and Jacob have hots for the Deputy though, and destroys everything in their regions, enemies relationships with the seeds, she's just still a bitch as always, this is what I call true fucking love
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-07-26
Updated: 2019-03-27
Packaged: 2019-06-16 16:51:46
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 10
Words: 20,278
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15441507
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Beanshiee/pseuds/Beanshiee
Summary: The Deputy managed to escape from Jacob and came back to Holland Valley, where Hudson still needs to be saved. But to do it, Irina needs a key to John's bunker. When she finally founds the youngest of the brothers, she understands that he wants something from her.Collection of one-shots. With John and Jacob and my Deputy Irina Carter, mostly, because YES.





	1. Worth the Sin - John

**Author's Note:**

> I decided to upload this little one-shot that I posted on my tumblr some time ago. Shortly speaking - Deputy (my OC Irina, actually) was searching for John because she wanted to get the key to his bunker. And, well, she found him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I listened to the Hammock version of "The World is Gonna End Tonight" while writing this, I recommend it!

 

    The night sky was black as the raven’s feathers, covered with flecks of snow. Hundreds of glittering stars were hiding behind the clouds from time to time, as if they were too shy, afraid of the curious eyes of people and animals from below.      The water in the lake was almost crystal clear and cold. It cooled his heated body. Small drops of sweat glistened on his skin like shards of diamond, rolled down his shoulders, torso, his face. He was naked from the waist up. His wet hair lost its order, harmony went into oblivion. The perfectly arranged hairstyle was now a mixture of delicate curls of the color of bitter chocolate, balancing on the border of black. 

    He sighed. The sound was quiet, gentle, full of relief. A warm breath escaped from his lungs to glow in contact with the cold of air and then disappear to become part of his invisible layers. The icy blue of his eyes was hidden behind the eyelids. His raised head made the line of his jaw even more distinct than usual, as if it wanted to get everyone’s attention, to shout “Here I am, look at me and admire”. 

    The admiration required respect. For a woman who in that moment was barefoot, and was noiselessly approaching the lake, respect was not a stranger, but at the same time - it was distant. Did she respect the man who was her target? Yes, although she would never admit it, even to herself. Her  **PRIDE** forbade her to do something like that. The woman was dressed in loose, black pants that were torn and dirty in several places. The white, delicate blouse was stained in fresh blood and also damaged in the vicinity of the arm, constantly sliding off her body, revealing partially naked, warm skin on the neckline and arm. Her long hair was a chaotic patch of different blond tones, stuck together, dirty, sticking to her face. She had a light skin with a pair of dark brown eyes. Vigilant, but expressing mainly exhaustion. Although the woman was losing her will to fight every day, hour, minute, she did not let go. Because the man who was now in the cold waters of the lake had something she needed.     

   The key was where it always was. Suspended on his neck, shimmering in the moonlight. It called her. It wanted her to come closer, to grab it in her tired, bloody hands, to break it from the man’s neck. But the woman knew that it was not the key that was calling her. It was a memory – Hudson’s screams, imprisoned in the bunker, helpless, waiting for salvation. For her misfortune her only hope was Rookie, on the verge of strength, tired and weak. But at the same time extremely desperate. 

   She was approaching from the back, on slightly bent legs. She moved like a predator, she had the instincts of a predator. For now they were dormant, but only waiting for the right moment. She stared at the man’s back, the muscles beneath the skin. He was not packed, no. He was slim and muscular in proportions that she would call ideal. If not the fact that she didn’t believe in the existence of an ideal.

_\- You just don’t know when to stop, do you?_

   She froze for a moment, but still stared at his back. The bastard didn’t even turn around, he did not move. And although she couldn’t see his face, she was sure he was smiling. As usual – mockingly. It seemed that this smile was reserved for her. Many times she saw him smiling towards Hudson, or other members of the resistance. But each time it was something different than when he smiled at her. As if there was some hidden message in it.

_\- Yes, I know it’s you. But don’t think I’m some kind of clairvoyant. Jacob notified me on the radio that you managed to escape from him and you’re probably heading for the Valley. **My** valley. And that you are not alone. Where is your companion, Deputy? Where is the wolf – The Judge - that you managed to drag to your side?_

   She didn’t respond. She was quiet. She wanted to answer, but knew that if she would spoke now, she would lose consciousness. Deputy was too weak. He, of course, knew it. He must have heard her breath. Chaotic. Once it was a heavy sigh to turn into a quiet melody of the exhaust after a few moments. And then again, gasping, on the border with a growl.

 _\- Jacob really made you an animal. -_ John paused for a moment, but still did not turn around.  _\- He liked to talk about you. If I didn’t know him, I would say he cares about you. But this is Jacob. He can’t do it, not in that way._

   Finally he turned to face her. The water was a little below his waist, so much so that she could see the glistening of metal elements on the belt, that was holding his pants in place. He was smiling at her. Subtle, but still mocking, as usual. Droplets of cold water dripped in equal rhythm from his beard. They also ran down the face, freeing themselves from wet hair. She looked him straight in the eyes. Dark brown against ice blue, like a poetic battle between good and evil, darkness with light. Hells with heaven. She looked down, and saw her goal. The key that hung on the long cord again began to call her. It was jerking, it danced almost imperceptibly below the scarified  **SLOTH** on John Seed’s chest. She moved towards him, slowly but surely. Staring at the key. Her eyes almost closed from tiredness, but she still kept the consciousness of the mind reasonably well. Bare, wounded feet crushed grass under her feet. Soon she immersed them in cold water and shivered, but did not stop. She did it only when the distance between her and the John was about two meters. And he? He just stood and watched her, digging an enigmatic look at her.

 _\- Free her. -_ She spoke in a loud, but weak whisper, squinting tired eyes, parting lips slightly, sighing. - _And your problems will end. I will end._  

    A mocking chuckle emerged from his throat, which was both music for her ears and a ghastly scream. White teeth flashed ominously.

_\- Problems help keep your mind awake, Deputy. Thanks to this, one does not fall into lethargy. That’s why I do not want to - **I will not**  let you go._

   She was silent, staring at the key with sick lust. He noticed this. He murmured like a cat hobbling to the owner and cocked his head subtly. There was something in his blue eyes that she could call warmth. But she didn’t believe it. She didn’t want to believe.

 _\- Give me the key. -_ She said simply, trying to give her voice a firm tone. Like a father issuing an order to his child. She wanted to wake up memories of John’s childhood, about which he told her with such passion, she wanted him to succumb to her and fulfill her demand. Of course, it couldn’t succeed.

 _\- You want it? -_ He said teasingly, touching it with his long, tattoed fingers.  _\- Than come and take it._

   She sighed unintentionally, swaying slightly. It couldn’t be that easy. It must have been a trap. But she didn’t see him carrying any weapon… Oh, okay. He had it. A lone gun laying on a large boulder, stacked on his blue shirt. Far. Too far to reach it in time, not to mention pulling the trigger. It’s a trap. It’s a trap. 

   The trap she was about to enter. The vision of touching the key, having it just for herself was too tempting. Her steps were slow, cautious, but there was a wild, unbridled  **GREED**  in her eyes. She stood right in front of him, staring at the dance of the drops of water flowing down his body for a very short moment. And then she greedily reached out a bloody hand toward the key, grabbing it. She felt its weight, the monstrous cold of old metal… 

   No. She felt a surprising lightness. Lightness typical of something that was just a primitive mockup. THAT was a trap. And she entered it, like a mouse deprived of the ability to analyze the situation. Without a way out. She looked at him. There was a mocking dance in blue eyes, but also satisfaction. John looked at her from above – but the difference in height was not too big. The narrow lips curled in another mocking smile. She released the false key, but the Baptist was faster. And in a much better form. He easily grabbed her wrist, hard, painfully. She moaned, trying to struggle. All for nothing. John stood in the same place, unmoved as a marble statue.

 _\- Gotcha, little lamb. Now you’re mine, and only mine. Just like it should be. -_ He spoke softly, mutteringly, flashing white teeth in her direction. She stepped back instinctively and in a panic reflex placed her free hand in the middle of the sin engraved on his chest, wanting to push him away. Her skinny fingers spread out on his skin like a spider on a web.

 _\- I have sent armed convoys for you and the Chosen in airplanes. I’ve lost the best people through you. Jacob as well, same with Faith and her goddamn Angels. And what do we have here? It went so easily. The lamb came to the wolf herself. Willingly. -_ He still mocked her and smiled. The woman was trembling with fear, uncertain. She realized that without a weapon she was nothing. A worthless, gray civilian, incapable of defending anyone and anything, including herself. The question she was going to ask in that moment was hanging in the air. It was heavy, it overwhelmed her. She felt legs bend under her. She was afraid of the answer. Or rather the fact that she knew what the answer was. John left her too many clues during her stay in the Valley. Way too many to leave any doubts.

 _\- What do you want from me? -_ She did it and immediately began to regret it. She felt his warm breath on her face. She was too scared to breathe. Rookie didn’t even know that she was holding her breath - but the body reminded her, suddenly demanding higher doses of life-giving oxygen. The answer, the vision of which frightened her, didn’t appear for a few very long moments. It was suspended between them. Between a woman who had nothing to lose, and a man who had everything to lose.

 _\- I think you know. -_ He answered finally, looking at her with the eyes of a predator staring at it’s prey. John, like always, did not answer literally. But he didn’t have to. He knew that she knew the truth behnd it and enjoyed it.

 _\- Lust is sin. -_ She said dryly, involuntarily tracing her fingers to his right hip, where she sensed four letters forming a word that would be her curse from that night.

   - _You’re worth the sin. Every sin. As well as pain, which is its consequence. I paid with blood for my mistakes, for allowing you to escape. Now... It's time for the prize that I deserve. -_ He muttered, passing his wet hand over her bloody jaw with delicacy. A delicacy that frightened her. But at this stage… There was no turning back.


	2. The Weakest One - Jacob

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Deputy decides to take care of a small, fluffy ball.

   The morning was cold, and the bars of the cage were even colder. The woman, however, didn't wanted to lie on the dirty, bloody ground, so she slept in a sitting position, her head resting on the icy metal. The discomfort that was associated with it perfectly combined with the pain shaking her whole, numb body. She felt the dried blood on her lips, neck, arms and legs. All over her, actually. She was covered with sweat and dirt, the damaged clothes stuck to her body, just like the hair to her face. Deputy was breathing shallowly and slowly, even the lungs were no longer able to work, exhausted by weeks of hunger and pain. And although in the depths of her mind and soul everything ceased to interest her in any way, although she wanted to give up and no longer play being _strong_ , her pride and stubbornness absolutely forbade her. They ordered her to continue fighting, even if it was pointless.

   The air was light and she could even call it pleasant. However, the smell of blood rising around the cages was so heavy and so intense that any pleasure associated with the coolness of the fresh air was almost imperceptible. She could hear the howling of wolves, silent whispers and pleas for the mercy of the people trapped with her. She didn't pay attention to it anymore, though. No one could help them. Joseph was right. There was no one in the whole damned county who could help the people trapped here. No one could free them from sadism and fanaticism of John, Faith's manipulation and lies, and Jacob's brutality and brainwashing. Hope County was nothing more than a prison for its inhabitants at this point. And no one seemed to care. They should, but they didn't.

   She heard footsteps, slapping mud under heavy boots. However, she didn't worry about it. Chosen often walked around the cages and checked the condition of the prisoners. Sometimes even Jacob appeared here, but he only came to _her_ then. At some point, she felt unique, but on the other hand it was a curse. She was his _favorite one_ , he had the most hope in her. In that which was now a skeleton covered with skin, with dried blood and dirt. Jacob, however, had an unusual approach to weak and strong. Strength did not always have to be physical. Mental one was also important, because it could often be more lethal and useful than the one trapped in muscles. Physical strength can always be earned. The psychic one usually has to exist in a mind since the very beginning, therefore the strong ones were such a narrow group. Few people were lucky and won the genetic lottery. The rest was useless and worthless in the clever, but cruel eyes of the eldest Seed.

   The steps stopped, replaced by a loud growling and barking. Deputy slowly opened her eyes and turned her head, looking at the white wolf in the opposite cage. Beside it layed a torn, bloody body that could hardly be called human now. The beast grinned her teeth and threw herself on the bars of her cage, sensing something. The man who was just passing by put down a cardboard, quite large box, which shook slightly. The woman listened and heard a quiet creak coming from inside. Driven by a strange feeling, but also by sick curiosity she crawled closer, placing her hands on the bars of her cage, squinting tired eyes. The box was too far away for her to reach. In the depths of her soul, she knew what was inside, what was the squeaking chorus begging for help, for the return of the parent. She swallowed hard and breathed heavily, staring into the box as if hoping to pull it to her and open it with the strength of her eyes. But could it be called strength anymore? Did any, tiny bit of it still existed in her beaten, weak body?

   She saw familiar, strong hands, covered in scars of all kinds. Involuntarily she held her breath as he caught the box, glancing at furious Judge in the cage beside him. Chosen tried to calm him down, but the animal grew even louder trying to get through the bars.

 _"Leave them."_ Rookie whispered hoarsely, not looking at the red-haired man at the beginning, but an the cardboard box. As if it was the center of the whole world, and all the rest was just an illusion worthless of any attention. _"Let them live."_

   Jacob made a silent, gruffly sound, expressing both intrigue and irritation. He took a step closer to her cage, still holding a barking and squealing box under his arm.

 _"You know the drill. These strong ones will survive. The weak ones will be culled."_ He said, looking at the woman who barely held her head up, looking for his blue eyes in a tired, dispassionate face.

 _"Let them go, Jacob."_ She repeated, trying to give her words strength and meaning. And it looked like she caused some reaction in a man. Something changed in him, for a short moment a spark appeared in his cold eyes. He reacted to his name, like a dog obediently listening to the owner. Deputy, however, had the impression that what she had just observed was nothing but a terrible sadness. And she didn't want to believe it, so she rejected the scenario. _"I will do what you want, but don't make Judges from them. Set them free."_ Set those sinners free, she thought, and smiled bitterly.

 _"Do you still believe in your freedom? In your independent will?"_ He asked mockingly, leaning slightly toward her. A delicate smile appeared on Jacob's face, which she couldn't describe as pleasant. But it had something that prevented her from looking away. Some kind of _strength_. She stared at the smile, at his narrow, pink lips curved in a slight grimace. _"You do what I order you to do anyway, you have nothing that you can offer me now, because I already have everything. I have you. Only you."_ He chuckled darkly, still looking at her, like a predator staring at his prey. It was frightening, but at the same time the woman was happy about it. In spite of all her hopelessness, Jacob's eyes looked at her like something that actually had some value and had to be sustained alive. For all those Chosen and Judges, she was just an ordinary, weak woman on the verge of exhaustion. For Jacob, she was more than that, and in the depths of her heart she wanted his attention, his gaze fixed on her face. She liked being devoured by it.

 _"Give me at least one of them, let me take care of it."_ She said, feeling a squeeze in her throat and tears coming into the dry, sore eyes. She stopped them, however, not allowing them to run down her dirty cheeks, ordering them to stay in the corners of her eyes and forbid them from going outside. _"Without any kind of interfering, away from the sources of Bliss and your manipulative tricks. Away from everything that is_ _ **you**_ _."_ She added dryly, clenching her teeth and even attacking him with her eyes. He looked at her all the time with this almost imperceptible, enigmatic smile. As if he gave her a chance to withdraw. She could quit, she could crawl back to the other end of her cage and stay quiet for another week. She didn't, however. She didn't move. Deputy made her decision.

 _"How do you intend to feed it, keep it alive, if your own life is flying out of you with every passing hour?"_ He asked calmly, putting the box back on the ground and sitting in a chair next to it, always set in this place, in front of her cage, as if she were an animal in a zoo. _"Even if it can live up to adulthood, it will not show you gratitude. It will feel your weakness and in the moment of hunger will devour you alive. You can't fight with instincts of an wild animal.”_

 _"If it is to be so, it will happen. I have nothing to lose."_ She replied coldly, looking at the nervously shaking box. Trapped in it were small, innocent creatures that still tried to get out. They begged for mercy, they begged for freedom. But Jacob's heart was cold and sculpted from stone. He didn't care. _"I am ready to bet on the last thing I have. My own life."_ That didn't have any worth by now, thanks to him. She didn't say it, but she wanted to do it so, so bad.

   The man leaned back against the chair, silent, staring at the tired woman's face. She wanted to lie down and fall asleep, she was losing her strength and will to fight, but she knew that surrender meant losing her remaining dignity, her worth. Jacob gave her the opportunity to resign from her choice, but at the same time he made it clear that it would mean losing everything she yet had.

   Finally, he made a move, leaning over the cardboard box and opening it, bringing it just under her hands, protruding beyond the cage bars. Deputy held her breath, staring at the inside of the box. Five small, fluffy puppies, each one differently colored, but all huddled tightly together and still squeaking. They were trembling, uncertain. The woman stared at them with horror.

 _"Choose one. And choose wisely."_ Jacob's voice drilled in her ears, like venom attacking her mind and soul. Rookie swallowed hard, then stretched her thin, bloody hands toward the puppies, grasping the skin on the back of the neck of this one which was in the middle, clearly smaller than the rest, covered with fur being a mixture of black, brown, beige and gray. With the remnants of strength she lifted it up, staring at the young wolf. It tried to curl up, grab the fluffy, brown tail with a black tip in its front paws. Amber eyes stared at her with fear. She felt the trembling of the small, fragile body under her fingers and immediately felt doubt. And Jacob observed. Waited. The woman breathed heavily, then squeezed the young puppy through the bars of the cage, laying it on her thighs, trying to warm it with the faint warmth of her weak body, shielding the puppy with her hands as if to protect it from all evil of this brutal world.

 _"The weakest one."_ The man grumbled reluctantly, then closed the box and again grasped it with his strong hands. Deputy looked at him with anxiety and determination, all the while clinging to her small, shaking puppy. Her mother's instinct to protect her child from potential danger at all costs became active, for the first time in her life. Jacob noticed this and smiled again in his own, mocking way. _"You will get as much food as usual, it's up to you to decide what part of it you will eat and what you will give to the wolf."_ He said, then stood up and just walked away, no longer looking back.

   The woman leaned towards her new protégé and buried her face in its delicate body, no longer having the strength to hold back the tears that soaked in the puppy's fur.


	3. The Church bathed in sinner's blood - John/Jacob/Joseph

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> In this chapter the Deputy realizes that she truly fucked up.  
> Be warned - there is a lot of abuse in this chapter. No fluff or anything like that. John and Jacob have some slight feelings towards Dep, but it's barely there. I just had an idea for this one-shot last night and had to write it down. It's mostly just drama, to be honest.

    She slipped quietly between the buildings in Joseph's compound, avoiding the sight of the passing Peggies. Conditions were favorable - the night was starless, and the moon was hidden behind the clouds. The only source of light was given by burning here and there bonfires. Good. Even though there were few dogs scanning the area, she managed to slip through them unnoticed. She was favored by the wind direction, which she always paid attention to. Everything was going well. Everything was in perfect order. She didn't see Joseph anywhere - she suspected that he was in the church she was just trying to get into. But she hoped that she was wrong this time, and The Father was somewhere else. She didn't wanted to confront him, not yet, definitely not this night. She wanted to get rid of John and Jacob first. Faith was already just a memory, but Joseph's brothers were still a huge threat to everyone in the County.

    And suddenly she froze in place, laying flat on the ground, near the church. Because among the black, quite sleepy dogs, she could see the characteristic glow of silver fur. A wolf, much larger than the average one. With a red cross on its face and the characteristic aura of Bliss surrounding its body. A Judge. She never saw Judges on Joseph's island. Nearly all of them were in the Whitetails. Two times she saw them in the Valley, once in the Henbane. But here? Did Jacob decide to give his brother a present?

   And then she understood. She saw tho hunters in their red masks, standing near the dock. They were talking to each other, not really paying attention to what was happening around them. They probably felt safe, since no one before tried to slip to this compound. It probably meant getting killed on spot. It seemed that they would shoot first, and then ask questions. Getting so close to this place wouldn't go unnoticed, she realized. She may be able to get into that church without a problem, but what about getting out and escaping? 

  And most of all... If there as a Judge here, and two hunters, something important was probably happening in this place. Maybe the whole family decided to gather around and decide what to do after Faith's dead from the Deputy's hands. Maybe they already decided what to do with her, she could only guess. But at this point she was nearly sure that Jacob was somewhere around this place. Maybe John was too, she didn't know. There were no signs of him. It was too late to go back now anyway. She waited for the Judge to dissapearfrom her sight and silently went around the church. She was looking for a window somewhere. She knew that most of them were obscured, but she hoped that she might manage to get around this problem somehow. And with a mild surprise she noticed that two of the windows enabled her to come inside. She paused for a moment and thought about it - it looked suspicious and it was obvious. But she was also aware that there was something in the church that could change the course of this war and help the Resistance. According to reports, key information about the activities of the Eden's Gate was hidden inside the book that layed on Joseph's pedestal. All she had to do was get the book and quickly disappear from the compound, before anyone will manage to get her. Or kill, if someone decides to shoot her first, and then realizes that maybe it would be better to interrogate her.

    The struggle against the mechanism of the window took her a few stressful minutes, during which she almost got a heart attack several times. In the end, however, she slipped inside, bending her legs to land as light as possible on the wooden floor. The church was empty, illuminated only with the symbol of Eden's Gate on the top of the wall. Emptiness. There were no signs that someone has been here recently. There was a characteristic smell of dust and something sweet in the air - maybe Bliss, she wasn't sure. She didn't feel dizzy, so it might have been something else.

    However, the book of Joseph was in its usual place. It almost seemed to call her, begging her to come closer. Rookie hesitantly approached the pedestal, trying not to make any noise, nervously glancing behind her to make sure that nobody is trying to get inside at the moment. If she was noticed, it would be the end of everything she worked for. This time she surely wouldn't be able to escape. Jacob was letting her to do so because he could always get her back anyway. John, on the other hand, was way to careless, and that's why she managed to escape his bunker after the second kidnapping. But Joseph was quite unpredictable. And she was basically in his home, where she shouldn't be, considering her status in the Resistance. She began to read notes on the actions of the cult, indeed found between the book's pages, feeling their hands tremble. She wanted to get out of here already.

_"Have you read these words before?"_

    She froze, recognizing the voice of Joseph. She swallowed hard and closed the book, turning her eyes to him, seeing him approach her. Instinctively, she took a step back, extending her hand towards the bow suspended on her back. Joseph was unarmed, without his goddamn shirt on, looking at her through yellow aviators. He didn't seem angry. He was neutral, but cautious.

_"Have you tried to understand them? Their meaning? Did you feel something in your heart clench, when you realize the truth behind them? Behind my Word?"_

_"Interpretation of literature has never been my strong point."_ She answered, trying to remain calm. She was here alone, just with Joseph, who was indeed unarmed, but he had this disturbing aura that make her felt naked and helpless, even though she had also a pistol and a knife in her thigh holster. She grasped the bow with her fingers, trying to take it off her back, ready to take even the most risky actions. One arrow could make it all end. One arrow and probably her life as well. Cultists would kill her in a most painful way imaginable when they would see what the had done. Was it worth it? Probably. Did she have courage to do it, though? She wasn't sure. Deep inside, she was a coward. No matter how many life she took, how bravely she tried to act, refusing to confess or trying to win the fight with Jacob's conditioning. There was always fear inside of her.

    But soon she realized that she couldn't kill Joseph, because he wasn't alone. John came out of the darkness like a stray cat, with his hands behind his back. His blue eyes shone ominously in the half-light. He looked at her enigmatically abd she was not sure if he wanted to kill her at this point, or to torture her first. She knew, however, that she was in a bad situation. She didn't think she would find John in compound. She saw two hunters and Judge before, evidently indicating that the eldest of three brothers was here. Where was he then?

    She already knew.

    Taking two more steps back, she stepped off the platform, slowly turning her head back. Jacob blocked access to the exit from the church.  
Deputy understood that she had no chance for escape. Tensing the bowstring and getting the arrow on it would take her maybe a second and a half. Too long - Jacob had a knife and his characteristic red gun in his holster. John probably hid something under a long trench coat. She had no chance. They would react faster.

    _"You have deviated from the path that is right for you, but do not worry, my child. We will help you find it once again."_   Joseph's voice was calm, too calm. Sweet and disturbing, it made the woman sick. Her hands trembled a little, so she clenched them into fists. She already knew what was coming. She realized it when she glanced at John, only to see his eerie smile. He seemed amused and she knew why. He will get what he wanted. He will get to put a knife in her body and make her scream.

    _"No."_   She denied with a growl in her voice. She looked behind her back again, seeing that Jacob come closer. Instinctively, she tried to reach for her knife - she didn't make it, though. The oldest Seed brother was faster and painfully grabbed her wrist, throwing the knife aside, also depriving her of the pistol and pulling off the bow of her back. He grabbed both of her hands, holding them in an iron grip behind her. The woman tried to struggle, gritting her teeth furiously. _"I do not agree to take part in your fucking rituals."_ She hissed, still trying to remain calm. Bark, hiss, but without shouting, without screaming. It would only please them, she knew it. She throwed her head up, trying in this way to brush away the strands of hair falling on her face. _"You know very well who I am and that you can't change me. YOU KNOW IT."_

Joseph didn't react in any way. He looked at her calmly, then turned to his brother. _"Jacob."_  
    The Soldier tried to pull her down. However, when Deputy didn't give in, he painfully kicked her in the inner side of the knee. The woman clenched her teeth, suppressing the scream and forced to kneel, still feeling Jacob's hands gripping her iown, painfully twisted behind her back. She looked to her right, out of the corner of her eye noticing his thigh holster. So close, yet... So far away. She was sure that Jacob was smiling mockingly, even though she couldn't see his face.

    And then John started to come closer. He had a knife in his hand. And oh god, he was smiling, as always. She would give everything to wash that smile of his face. He knew what she was thinking, somehow every member of this damn family always knew what she was thinking about and they surely were proud of it. Always one step ahead of her. Always on top. Kings of the world.

    _"Hello, Deputy."_ The youngest Seed kneeled in fron of her, still smiling, playing with the knife in his hand. _"I truly missed you. And I realized... I still don't know your name."_ He looked at her curiously and clicked his tongue, then asked mockingly. _"Will you do me the honor and reveal this secret?"_

She smiled coldly at the corner of her mouth. _"Not in your wildest dreams."_

    Youngest Seed closed his eyes for a moment, then sighed. Jacob shifted from foot to foot, apparently not too interested in the conversation, even a bit irritated.  _"John, don't play with food."_   He muttered with a hint of amusement, squeezing the woman's wrists harder as soon as she tried to struggle again. _"Especially that this one likes to bite."_

 _"In that case, I will cut off her teeth."_ He replied nonchalantly, then with one stroke of the knife he cut the left arm of her t-shirt, then pulling the blouse off her shoulders. He looked her in the eye. She felt trapped in his - the light blue iris of his had an almost hypnotizing effect. _"This is really gonna hurt, my dear."_

 _"Pain for pain."_ She replied bitterly, smiling slightly, mockingly. _"Yours is gonna be much worse. This is the promise I can give you."_

  _"I would like to see you try."_   And this was the last thing he said, right before he drove the knife into her collarbone, slowly engraving the first letter in her body. The pain hit her suddenly. The woman hissed, suppressing the squeak of a frightened child, nailing her fingers in Jacob's hand that held her wrists. She let the air out of her lungs slowly, feeling the warm blood run down her chest. Joseph stood at the back, looking at everything calmly. John, on the other hand, was incredibly focused on his task - as if he tried to make the letters perfectly straight. She thought that he wanted to disfigure and embellish her at the same time. Maybe he actually saw it as a one and the same thing. SHe didn't know. He was one big puzzle. Each brother was drastically different, and she wasn't able to fully decipher them. Deputy had a feeling that during those few weeks in Hope County she only touched the surface and knew basically nothing about the threat that they posed.

    She knew that the scuffle wasn't worth anything at this point. She gave in, breathing heavily, feeling the sweat running down her skin. She lowered her head and narrowed her eyes, hissing quietly with each stroke of the knife. Feeling the fascinated gaze of John Seed on her body, adoringly staring at the bloody picture that he painted on her pale, wet skin. On her collarbone, then both of her arms and the last one on her back. Four sins. Four out of seven.

**WRATH.**

**PRIDE.**

**GREED.**

**ENVY.**

* * *

 

 _"Aaaaah. Perfect."_   He stood up and stepped back a few steps, looking at Rookie. Blood trickled down her body, coloring her clothes with bloody red. Jacob stood behind her, unmoving.

 _"It's over, my child."_  Joseph said gently and came closer, then looked toward the exit. _"Now, take her where she belongs, brother."_

 _"Get up."_ Jacob's order was icy, and it effectively forced her to get up, despite the tearing pain. She didn't fight him; she wanted to stay calm. She allowed him to move her out of the church. When they went outside, she saw the first rays of the sun leaning out from behind the horizon. Early dawn. It seemed that she managed to survive another day, though how was it possible, she couldn't understand. Joseph still believed she could be saved. Be she didn't even want to. Not to mention that she didn't believe in God's existence.

    Peggies watched her from a safe distance. The silence was interrupted by their whispers and barking of dogs. Judge, whom she had seen before, growled in her direction. She didn't pay attention to any of it. She just waited. Waited for a good moment to react, because she knew where she was going to be taken to. They would close her in one of the bunkers, in the deepest darkness of it, to make sure she will never escape again. She would spend the rest of her life in there, with no chance to escape. Forced to imagine all those things the cult would do to the innocent people in the county.

    _"Go to hell, all of you."_

    And this one time in her life, she turned out to be faster than Jacob. She broke free of the weakened grip, pulling out the knife from his thigh holster, turning it between her fingers and quickly trying to cut his thigh. The soldier avoided the attack, however, knocking her hand to the side. She growled as the pain in the fresh wounds spoke with another dose of dull pain, but she clenched her teeth.

 _"Kill the sinner!"_   Peggies whispers turned into surprised and furious cries and commands. _"CULL THE HERD! KILL THE HERETIC!"_   One of Jacob's hunters got his bow, ready to shoot.

  _"No!"_  Jacob protested, spitting to the side. _"She's mine. Step back, all of you."_

And so they did. No one would dare to disrespect the Herald. He seemed somehow amused that she did what she did. Almost like he expected it, waited for it. He even smiled slightly, looking at her ominously. 

    _"And there you are. You never cease to amaze me."_ He growled, than sighed. _"Still, you're nothing but a lost cause, honey. You're only putting off the inevitable."_

 _"I'm not gonna be your slave. Not yours, or anyone else's."_  Deputy spat, breathing heavily. She had a pose typical for a predator, though uncertain whether it intended to attack or defend itself. Jacob saw this hesitation and chuckled darkly, flashing his white teeth for a split second.

 _"Don't have such a high opinion of yourself."_   He replied mockingly, standing in front of her, casting his shadow on her. She felt overwhelmed. Like an animal in a cage trying to fight for freedom. _"You are not a slave, you are only a tool. **And you belong to me.** "_

It took him just two steps to get to her. He rolled his fingers into a fist, wanting to hit her again and this time to knock the knife out of her fingers. However, she jumped back. The bear fought with the wolf. Or was it really a wolf's fight with a lamb? She circled him in a semicircle and tried to cut his wrist. They both knew that the hands were crucial here, and damaging it could weigh on victory. Out of the corner of her eye she saw calm Joseph standing at the entrance to the church. John was silent as well, even though his eyes were full of rage, watching everything from the side.

    And Jacob turned out to be not only strong; but also extremely fast. The woman knew that her only chance was to fight for time. It will be better to launch an attack when her opponent gets tired - especially since he has again parried her blow without much difficulty. The tearing pain in her body still tormented her, but she didn't give up. She tried to transform suffering into strength. Turn the brothers' weapons against them. Jacob snarled and took advantage of the opportunity he was just given - he slammed the woman's feet, knocking her off balance. She didn't fall to the ground, but she lost valuable time trying to keep upright. And the soldier didn't hesitate - he hit her right into the stomach, taking her breath away and sending another injection of pain over her whole delicate body. She moaned, bending even more in herself, but at the same time tightening her grip on the knife she tried to stab the man's thigh with. Or at least she wanted him to believe it. And he believed - he tried to move his leg out of her reach, while the knife suddenly changed its trajectory and cut the skin on the left side of Jacob's ribs. The worst part, however, was that he didn't seem to mind it. He just hissed, apparently not very impressed, but it sure boiled up his rage. Rookie jumped two steps back, quickly trying to return to a state that would allow her to breathe normally. She saw drops of blood running down the knife's edge. It slightly lifted her spirits. She achieved at least this.

    Her satisfaction, however, was short. Too short to be noticed at all. Another punch that Jacob had sent straight hitted her right to the neck. She couldn't avoid this, she was too slow and too weak. She began to suffocate and fell to the ground, dropping the knife and grabbing her throat with both hands, choking silently.

     _"Enough?"_  He asked, coming closer. And the woman made a mistake - she tried to jump on him, despite her tragic state. She only managed to gouge her nails in his neck and aim a not very accurate, or severe blow to the man's face. His head slightly bounced off to the side, but at the expense of this small success she got a strong kick in her abdomen that sent her to the ground again. She was kneeling in front of him now, still choking. It was pathetic, she knew it - but Jacob certainly liked it. John as well, because she heard his loud, mocking laugh.

    She howled when a strong hand was tangled in her hair and pulled her up. She tried to grab Jacob's arm with hands to minimize the pain, but it didn't help. He lifted her to his own level, and she lost ground under her feet.

 _"You are weak."_ He muttered hoarsely, almost disgusted. She felt as if he spat on her. Maybe he even wanted to - but apparently he stopped himself. He dropped her, watching her fall down just before his legs, curling up, fighting for the possibility of breathing, and trying to stop the urge to howl in pain at all costs.

    She lost.

 


	4. Like a faithful dog - Jacob

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I feel like I made my OC Deputy for just one purpose - to get her humiliated all the time. Yeah, she's running around with a cougar and a Judge wolf, liberating outposts and stuff, but in general... She actually sucks at being the Resistance leader, because she spends most of the time with the Seeds. As their prisoner, of course.  
> And you know what?  
> I don't mind at all.

    After a month in the cage, lonely, fed once every four days - which still was quite a luxury, considering the fact that other people were given a piece of meat once in a week, or not at all - without the possibility of doing anything but sitting or crawling, she fell into stasis. All she could do was watch Jacob's soldiers, for a whole day, sometimes even night. Their routine tasks. She could identify specific people passing by the cages just by the sound of their footsteps. When she realized that fact, she also understood how bad all of this looks like.

    Yes. Jacob Seed was very, very patient, and that made him extremely dangerous. His youngest brother had a tendency to sudden outbursts and not very careful moves, which made it easier to avoid him and overtake his plans. But there was no chance in outsmarting Jacob. He was always one step ahead. Sometimes even two.

    _"C'mon."_   He said, passing by her cage, brushing his hand over her dirty and tousled hair. Her head was leaning against cold, hard rods. She preferred them to mud, which occupied most of the surface of the cage. _"Time for a walk. I have a gift for you."_

    The woman hissed softly in response, wrapping her arms around her knees, trying to hide her face behind her hair. _"No."_   She responded through clenched teeth, refusing to look at him. _"I'm too tired. Get out."_

    Jacob seemed to not care. Irina hid her face deeper between her knees, shivering slightly, as if waiting for a blow - she doubted that the man wouldn't react. She heard him open the door of the cage and enter, but to her surprise, he didn't hit her. Still, she refused to look at him, so Jacob came closer and grasped her chin painfully, forcing her to look into his eyes. There was only emptiness in hers, while the blue eyes of the man gleamed something that Deputy was unable to properly classify. She wasn't really afraid of him at this point. She managed to understand him to some extent. Or maybe she just didn't care.

    _"Tired."_   He repeated with a hint of disgust, then grabbed her neck and with brutal force forced her to get up. The woman flashed her teeth ominously, like a wild animal, silently coughing, fighting to regain her breath. _"Well, it won't be a problem. I have something that will make you wake up right away."_   He added with a slight, disturbing smile, then turned his back to her - as if mocking her, knowing she wouldn't take this opportunity and try to attack him - and left the cage without even glancing behind him. He knew that she would obediently follow him.

    She followed him obediently like one of his Judges, grabbing the rods of the passing cages with her hand to keep her balance, without looking at the dead bodies of people and animals that were in all those cages. She spent too much time in this place to care - it seemed normal to her at this point.

    Jacob led her to the main courtyard in front of the Veteran's Center, where three hunters and a few judges were gathered. However, the most important person in there was kneeling on the ground, bloody, with hands tied behind her back. Irina quickly realized that she was looking at one of the Whitetail Militia's members. She knew this woman, remembered her face and blonde, short hair. She was one of the better ones and Eli trusted her. Rook owed her a lot as well - this woman had helped her escape Jacob's hunters once, when Carter was ambushed.

    The oldest of the Seed brothers wasn't in a hurry to provide explanations, but Irina already knew what the whole situation was heading for.

 _"You know her, right?"_   He asked mockingly, giving her a sinister look. Irina, too weak to stand up on her own, sat down on the ground, refusing to look at Jacob, instead trying to read something from the face of the captured woman.

 _"I do."_   Her voice was quiet, weak. Deprived of emotions. Jacob effectively washed them from her. He turned her into a blank page where he could write whatever he wanted.

    The man nodded lightly, then took out his gun, painted with a characteristic, bright red. He flicked off the safety, then looked at the kneeling Whitetail. Irina heard someone's footsteps and noticed Pratt, who stood behind Jacob, his head down, like a faithful dog waiting for orders.

 _"I'll make it simple for you."_ Jacob approached Irina, pulling her up again. _"Wolf's Den."_ He put a gun in her hand, standing just behind her, so that she could feel his warm breath on her neck. _"IWhere it is. If none of you say anything, Whitetail dies, out of your hand. If one of you start talking and the information will turn out to be true, both of you survive."_

    But for how long? An unspoken question resounded in her mind. The pistol, which was usually light, now became unimaginably heavy and it seemed that it was dragging Rook towards the ground. Irina sighed softly, breathing nervously, trying to stop her hands from trembling. 

  _"Ten seconds."_ Jacob announced, waiting. Carter just stared at the kneeling woman, with the pistol aimed at her head. She wondered if she could shoot Jacob instead, but she quickly gave up on the idea. The man stood just behind her, so she couldn't even turn his way. She was thinking about trying to get his knife from his thigh holster, but it also had no chance of success.  
_"Tick tock."_

    Irina didn't shoot, and the woman who was practically doomed to death reciprocated her cold gaze. She didn't intend to say anything. They both knew that the life of one person is not worth the lives of dozens of others. Seed was aware of this as well. All of this was just a pure psychological manipulation. He wanted to break Deputy even more, because he knew that she was still trying to resist him, still trying to fight.  
    Four. Three. Two. One.

_"Time's up."_

    Jacob stabbed her side with something sharp - perhaps just a fucking, innocent piece of wood. He knew what it would lead to. The Deputy's finger inadvertently pulled the trigger, and Irina's hand, slightly smashed from it's previous path, made the bullet hit Whitetail in the throat instead of between her eyes. The shot woman began to choke on her own blood, spilling from her throat and mouth. Slow death. Jacob knew what he was doing, and he only summed it up with a quiet murmur. He didn't seem to be surprised or disappointed. He knew it would went this way. The man pulled the gun from her hand, and Irina was too stunned to react - she still just stared at the dead body, from which blood was still pouring out, trying to understand what had happened.

 _"I knew you were too weak to do it."_   The Soldier stood next to her and suddenly aimed the pistol at Pratt. He held it in one hand, almost nonchalantly, but he was looking at Irina, not at his target. Staci seemed too scared to do anything - he just stood in place, staring at the gun barrel, trembling like a child waiting for punishment from the parent. _"The question is still the same. Either you answer me, or peaches dies."_

  _"You wouldn't dare."_ She managed to spoke, finally, looking at him with cold determination. Jacob send her a slight, mocking smile.

    _"Ten seconds, honey."_

 She flinched and swayed slightly, uncertain. She still couldn't tell what was Pratt's worth in Jacob's eyes. She knew, however, that Staci's and Hudson's lives were less important to Joseph and his enigmatic plans than her own, so Pratt's death wouldn't do much damage to the Project. But would Seed truly kill him? Probably. His views differed from his brother's, and unlike John, Jacob was not afraid to show it. Joseph might have been able to manipulate the mind of the youngest member of the Family. The oldest one was a whole different story.

    She already knew that Pratt's life was truly in danger and made a step forward when Jacob pulled his gun closer to Staci's head. _"WAIT."_ Rook protested, weakly grabbing soldier's arm, trying to push him back. He looked slightly amused. _"Leave him the fuck alone, you already broke him, for fuck's sake."_

 _"Do you really think it's all about breaking **him**?"  _ Jacob remained unmoved. For Irina, the worst thing was the fact that he was confident enough to say about his plans aloud, instead of leaving her only guesses. He didn't care about Pratt at all; she was the key to his plans. _"Three seconds."_ He roused her from a temporary trance, and his finger began to lightly press the trigger. Seeing this, Deputy's desperation has reached its critical level. She couldn't stand the tension.

  _"In the West!"_   She cried with determination, feeling her throat tight. _"South of the Visitor's Center, under the mountain towering above the main road. There is a helicopter landing pad right next to it... Fuck."_ She whispered, digging her pale fingers into the man's arm. Pratt remained motionless, but it was clear that he was on the verge of crying.

    Jacob was silent for a long moment, looking at her intently. And then he pulled the trigger.

    The pistol responded with a quiet click.

    There was no bullet in it.

    She froze, breathing hard. Looking at the red gun, as if it was guilty of all the evil of this world.

 _"You lied to me."_ She whispered through clenched teeth, finally looking into the eyes of a man who had deprived her of all value and took everything she had.

    _"I didn't."_ He replied, hiding his weapon. He patted her lightly on the shoulder, then walked back toward the cages It was clear that she had to follow him. _"Thanks for confirming the location of the Den, Deputy. I wasn't sure if our information was true. Now I am."_

  She didn't even have the strength to cry.

 


	5. I must've been drunk, right? - John

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I wrote kind-of-fluff. A little bit of fluff is in it. A little bit.  
> Actually, I don't know what that is.  
> First time in my life it's not a pure drama and angst, so I don't know how it went. I just wanted to give my Dep a little happiness, since all I do is getting her in really bad situations.

    She felt someone's hand, gently stroking her back and shoulder. The delicacy of this gesture was unbelievably soothing - Irina purred quietly, unintentionally. In response, she heard a small chuckle. She opened her eyes slowly, noticing the bright walls and wooden doors. She was in someone's bedroom, that's for sure. After a moment she realized that her face was resting on someone's chest. There was a relatively strong scent of cologne around.

    _Damn_. Had she drunk that much last night?

  _"Wake up, Deputy."_

  She knew that voice. Soft, mixing gentleness with a threat. Amused, yet somewhat snarling. A battle of contrasts, indeed.

  _"Oh my god..."_

    John chuckled again, louder this time. She felt his warm breath wiping away her hair and his hand constantly rubbing her back. He was naked. They both were, partially covered with a thin quilt. It was soft. Very soft. _"I never thought you were religious."_

  The woman tried carefully to step aside, but she felt the other man's hand wrapping around her waist. He clicked his tongue. She hated to admit the fact that she liked when he was doing it. _"A-aah. Where do you think you are going?_

  _"I think..."_ She tried to choose the right words, looking carefully into his eyes. The warmth emanating from his body was effectively distracting her from her thoughts - it was unimaginably pleasant. _"I think I need to confess."_   She said slowly, seeing the flash in his blue eyes. Okay. It was a bad choice of words, she realized. _"I suspect Jerome will have a while for me."_

_"I will find much more time for you than he would, believe me."_ He rubbed his beard against Irina's neck, irritating her skin. _"Go on. Tell me everything."_

    _"I... Fuck."_   She moaned softly, feeling his teeth biting her jaw. _"You're not helping, do you know that?"_

_"Mhhm."_   He didn't look too interested in listening to her, after all. He paid more attention to her body at that time, not to what she said. Or what she was trying to say. Maybe it's better, after all.

  _"Alright, heathen."_ He finally broke away his teeth from her, gently putting his hand on her neck, squeezing it slightly. She understood the message - she had to answer his questions, or she would end up tied to a chair in his bunker once again. Or chained to his bed, depending on his mood. _"We'll start with the basic issues. I still don't know your name, sweetheart."_

_"You don't need it."_ She replied, putting her palm on his chest, trying to push him away, at least just a little. He didn't react, though - he still pressed her to his bed with his own body. It even seemed that he pressed her even harder. _"Nobody knows it here, and nobody will."_   Unless he tried to get this information from Hudson, she thought. Maybe he did it already, he just wanted to torment her with it.

  _"Jacob knows."_   This statement surprised her. John said it with a strange nonchalance, but she saw something else in his eyes. Could it be jealousy?

_"So he probably already told you."_

_"No."_   John admitted as he ran a thumb over her lips. _"He's a good brother, but also a mean one. So, be a good girl and tell me your name. After all, you don't want the whole county to know what you do with Jacob or me in your spare time, right?"_   He smiled mockingly, and she felt a big urge to punch him in those perfect teeth of his.

_"Okay, I will tell you."_   She said resignedly and smiled slightly, seeing the excitement in John's eyes. _"But first... Tell me what the fuck has happened last night."_

_"With details?"_ He asked with amusement. Irina struck him lightly with her knee.

    _"No, I mean what happened before... Before somehow I landed in your bed. I must've been drunk, right?"_   

_"Oh, well..."_

* * *

 

    This was a bad idea, and she knew it. 

    However, she took on the challenge that Adelaide set for her. Probably because at that time Irina was already _slightly_ tipsy. She managed to get into the heavily guarded house of John, dressed only in a simple, white t-shirt and loose trousers. With a knife and a pistol as the only means of defense.

    Yeah, in the end it turned out that the "Great and Cunning Resistance Leader" was just stupid.

    She slipped in through the open window, trying not to make any noise. Making sure no one was inside, she moved cautiously into the kitchen. The lights in the house were lit, so the owner was definitely here, but he might not notice the intruder. Irina cautiously sneaked to the counter, looking for a cache with alcohol. She murmured delightedly, noticing a bottle of whiskey. Expensive whiskey. Adelaide will be rapturous, and Rook will earn fifty dollars. Worth it, definitely. Right?

    No, not really.

    _"It's quite expensive, you know."_ Irina turned to where a familiar voice was coming from. John Seed leaned nonchalantly against the table, a few meters away. The worst part was that he didn't look too amused. Irina let the air out of her lungs slowly, still holding the bottle in one hand.

_"How much should I give you for it?"_   She asked, trying to buy herself some time, thinking about how she could escape. And not get caught by the guards lurking outside.

  _"Eighty dollars and a confession."_   He replied with a slight smile. _"Actually, confession alone will be just as good."_

    Deputy thought for a moment, then reached into her pocket. After a while of searching for something, she pulled out a few crumpled bills from there and put them on the kitchen counter, so that John could see them.

_"One hundred and seventy dollars, we will think about confession another time. Take care, Inquisitor. "_   She bowed slightly and then moved hastily toward the open window. John, however, was faster. And not tipsy. It took him just five big steps to get to her and grab her wrist painfully, taking her bottle of whiskey with the other hand and setting it aside next to crumpled banknotes.

    _"Drinking is forbidden, **sinner.** "_ He hissed, looking at her mysteriously. Carter looked at him and noticed that his pupils occupied most of the area of his pale blue irises. Oh no. This can't be good.

_"Oh, look who's talking! A man who has alcohol in his home with a total value greater than the amount of money in all prepper stashes COMBINED!"_ She tried to yank her hand out of his steel grip, but it didn't help her. He began to come closer, forcing her backward. After a while her back painfully hit the wall, dangerously close to the fireplace.

  _"Clever, are not you?"_   John's face was dangerously close to hers, and his breath was hot. Heavy. He smelled intensively of cologne... And of something else. Irina looked at his exposed chest, noticing a few drops of blood. A few strands of dark hair fell on his face, while the blue shirt was more disheveled than usual, if it was still reasonably possible. Oh, wonderful. It looked like he probably killed someone in the last dozen or so minutes. Hence his disturbing behavior. Not that his mood swings were a novelty, or something. _"It's not nice to enter someone's home without permission. Especially through the window. While trying to steal something."_

    _"Yeeeaaah... Maaaybe because it's called **burglary?** "_  Irina asked rhetorically, with a mixture of amusement and irritation. She was walking on very thin ice and she knew it, but she just couldn't resist. Getting John out of balance was giving her some kind of  a twisted satisfaction.

    John clicked his tongue, then bit her painfully on the lower lip, dropping some blood. The woman moaned softly, desperately putting her hand on his chest, trying to push him away.  
    The result was slightly different than she intended.

* * *

 

  _"Alright, that's enough."_ Rook put her hand on John's lips, letting him know that he should stop telling what was next. It was easy to guess at this point.

  _"Anyway, you seemed to enjoy it."_   He replied, biting her finger. Irina hissed and then embraced him by the neck. It was too late to withdraw anyway. And it was impossible to hide that she missed being close with someone. Actually, it was her first time. Or second, but Jacob wasn't very gentle.

_"Yeah... So what now?"_   She asked uncertainly, then smiled slightly. _"Can I go?"_

    The man was already opening his mouth to answer when the sound of the door opening came from below. Someone came inside. Irina froze because she knew that characteristic footstep. Heavy, military shoes.

  _"Fuck."_   She murmured. John hissed and jumped out of bed, dressing in an alarmingly fast pace. Irina followed him, then went to the window.

  _"Buy me some time, will you?"_   She added as part of the goodbye, then carefully went outside, landing on the roof. John went down the stairs, only to see his eldest brother, lounging on the couch lazily. Yes, he wasn't a polite guest, that's for sure. He just sat wherever he wanted.

  _"Ouh, have I chosen a bad time for a visit?"_   Jacob smiled nastily, white teeth flashing. John opened his mouth, considering the answer.

  _"No, you just woke me up, it's five o'clock in the morning, for fuck's sake."_

_"Do you think I'm stupid, brother?"_ Jacob scratched his chin. John sighed softly, then began to button his crumpled shirt. He ran his hand over the tousled hair, which arranged into lovely curls right now. He knew his brother was enjoying the whole situation and he wanted to punch him really hard.

  _"So, who was she? Or they? I wouldn't be surprised if there were more than one."_  He continued his series of questions, still smiling. John growled. _"You could finally take a bath. You smell like an old mongrel, Jacob."_

    It would seem that this would distract his older brother, but the fate once again showed its malice. Soon they heard shooting, and wolves started howling - of course, Jacob took a few of those Judges with him - and the muffled screams and orders from furious guards. Or panicked, maybe, he wasn't sure.

_"SHE'S IN THERE! THERE'S THAT DEPUTY!"_

  John clenched his fists and closed his eyes while Jacob chuckled darkly. _"Yeah, I could have guessed."_

_"I fucking hate you."_


	6. Like if they were old lovers - John

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is short. Just wanted to write some radio flirting, but it turned to be angst, and then, suddenly, into some tragic romance. Title speaks for itself.
> 
> There are some strong suggestions about John's feelings toward that dumb bitch of mine (how the hell did he fall in love, I have no idea), but nothing explicit.

_"Deputy, whose name I still do not know."_   John murmured to the radio, comfortably positioned in his bed, pushing away a strand of dark hair from his face. _"How are you feeling tonight?"_

As usual, Rook's answer was something that he had to wait for for nearly a whole minute. He wasn't sure if she was doing it out of sheer malice, or maybe she just hesitated before agreeing to start the conversation. _"It... It could've been better, for sure. But why are you suddenly interested in my well-being?"_ She hissed slightly, as if she were clenching her teeth. John looked at the window. It was already dark, and the clock was at tenth. What could Deputy do at this hour? 

  _"I always am."_ His reply was fast. _"And because I am also extremely empathetic, I can tell by your voice that something is wrong. Especially since you admitted that you could have felt better."_ He smiled slightly, almost pressing the radio to his lips, as if he wanted to make a physical contact with his interlocutor. When he heard a gentle, guttural laugh, he involuntarily took a deep breath.

    _"... You and empathy? Really?"_   She was mocking him and it irritated him a bit, but it was also amusing, in a way. _"What else interesting can you tell me? Is Jacob working in the orphanage in his spare time?"_ She paused for a moment, and the man sensed that she hadn't finished talking yet.  _"Is Joseph actually a normal, mentally healthy man?"_   She growled, somehow amused. John clicked his tongue in a dissaproval, stroking his right thigh with his free hand.

  _"You didn't answer my question, dear."_

 _"Because I don't intend to."_   She answered immediately, then groaned. This sound, though full of pain, made the man grab his thigh way too harsh than he should. His long, tattooed fingers dug deeply into his skin. He enjoyed it.

  _"Pain."_ John murmured, then sighed. _"I can hear it. Gunshot wound? Knife cut? Wolf fangs?"_  He began to list melodically, letting out a bit of trembling breath from his lungs. He would give anything to be able to see her right now, see her body. He felt alone for a long time. Deputy provided him with entertainment, but not exactly what he at some point began to count on. She began to irritate him, mainly because of... the stimuli that she woke up in his body at every next meeting, or even a conversation on the radio.

  _"A Judge, yes."_  John shuddered when she uttered his favorite word, though not in the context in which he wanted to hear it. It would seem that she also realized what she had just said, because from her throat came out an unusual sound, as if she wanted to rebuke herself. _"Lovely creature. Almost as much as its owner."_

    He gritted his teeth. **Envy.**  She was mentioning Jacob way too many times for his liking. _"You consider Jacob to be charming?"_   He asked, trying to remain calm and unfazed.

    _"Interesting."_ She sounded like a purring cat. John wondered if nature had given her such a voice, or maybe she just had a great weakness to cigarettes. _"I didn't say his name."_

  _"But you mean it."_

 _"Oh, do I?"_   Rook chuckled, almost like a teen-age girl. _"Since when all Judges belong to Jacob? I could've meant some random Hunter, you know."_

 _"And did you?"_ She didn't answer him, but he was sure that she smiled. He didn't know hot to interpret it. He could only guess. John sighed softly, stroking the metal frame of the radio with his lips. _"What's your name?"_   He whispered, holding his breath. Silence fell for a few long seconds. It felt like eternity. He started to think that she won't say anything else and it's where their concversation ended. He tried so hard to get her name, wondered how it would taste. How would she react when he would call her like he should and wanted to. Calling her by the title was tiring and vapid.

  _"Why do you care?"_ She sounded... Sad. As if the subject of her name hurt her. John sighed dully, his fingers white with the strength with which he clamped them on the device. _"My name means nothing to your actions. It's not important."_

 _"It means a lot, and I need it. I **want** it. Why are you so desperately trying to hide it from the whole world?"  _ He could get is from Hudson, probably. Maybe that deputy Pratt already told it to Jacob. But getting the truth from someone else would not satisfy John. He wanted to get it by himself.

 _"Because life is much easier when the growing number of people I killed is attributed to my title, which has a lower value than the name given at birth."_   She responded dryly. John heard a soft purr. He guessed that it belonged to the cougar that faithfully followed the woman, day and night. _"Maybe you and your brothers like it when people caress your ego by assigning you more crimes, but my psyche works differently from yours. I was diagnosed with sociopathy, **not** with psychopathic tendencies." _  She gasped, then let out a heavy breath from her lungs. He reminded himself that she was hurt, and surely heavily bleeding. Warmth in the area of his lower abdomen irritated him - he could barely restrain himself from loud groaning at the very thought of her wounded, bloodied body. Which he wanted to watch now, lying in his bed next to him.

    _"Aaaaaah. Sociopath. That would explain a few things."_ For example, how unfazed she seemed to be when someone was hurt. Unless they were her loved ones - and John wasn't able to count more than four of them (Hudson wasn't on that list, he realised) - she didn't seem to feel any regret at all. She didn't care. She wasn't on the side of the Resistance because she wanted to help people. No, it was because she disagreed with the Eden's Gate, that's all. In the end, the only person she truly cared for... Was herself. _"Fascinating human being you are, indeed."_

 _"You flatter me."_ His heart beat faster. _"But I'd prefer that you don't shed your sick, sadistic fascination into torturing me and marking my skin."_ There was a short pause. _"Can you do it for me?"_

Her request contained a strange note of sweetness that made the man feel as if he were beginning to melt. He licked his lips and narrowed his eyes. **Lust.** This woman was an amazing mix of sweetness, cynicism, malice and innocence. A silent killer and defender of the oppressed at the same time. _"I've already marked your body, but you still haven't confessed. You're silent when you're right in front of me and tormenting me from the distance. Are you even able to sleep at night?"_   His voice was almost a whisper. The conversation, which at first was supposed to be a small torture, turned into something way too intimate. Like if they were old lovers. _Oh, how he wanted..._

    _"Sometimes."_ The answer was simple. _"But there is always something that needs to be done around here. Sleep is just... A nice addition to my life, but not an integral part of it."_

    John swallowed hard. _"Where are you, divine being?"_ Another murky whisper. Menacing. Combining the offer with a cold promise. Sooner or later he will find her again anyway, and then he will not let her escape. Now, however, he gave her a peaceful chance to voluntarily give in to him. He knew, however, that she wouldn't accept it. She was too stubborn. Oh, and he loved it.

 _"Divine being, you say."_   Deputy chuckled darkly. _"Oh, John Seed, If only you weren't my enemy..."_ He had to put the radio aside for a moment, feeling the sweat running down his forehead. It was too much. There was nothing in this world that he wanted more than her - and he wanted many things - and she always refused every offer he was giving her, no matter what it was. And no matter how close she was, even when he had the opportunity to touch her body, she was still somehow out of his reach. He hated her for it. He cursed the fate that it put her on his path.

_"I'm your enemy only in your head. I just want..."_

  _"Oh, I know what you want."_   She cut him off. It surprised him, but he didn't gave any sign of it. He didn't want to give her any kind of satisfaction. Not... Yet. _"And I'll tell you my little secret. I absolutely **adore**  the way your face twists in anger, hatred and feelings of rejection everytime I say "no".  This is the last thing in this world that makes me happy, even if lasts less than a heartbeat."_

 _"... Snake in the garden."_ He murmured, gritting his teeth. She surely smiled, even though he couldn't see it.

  _"And one more thing."_   Rook sighed, probably because of the pain. _"Fuck you, John."_

    The last words he said to the woman were a pure threat. _"I wish you would."_

    Deputy turned off her radio, and the last thing he heard was her silent gasp.


	7. Hatred - John

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Alright. HUGE WARNING: this contains rape. Yes, there are a lot of mixed emotions in the culprit (John) but it doesn't matter. Rape is rape.  
> To be 100% clear - I am not trying to sexualize something like that. I can write about it, I can read about it, but I DO NOT SUPPORT RAPE IN REAL LIFE AND NO ONE SHOULD.
> 
> It's explicit, so watch out. Honestly I was trying to write more about emotions than the actual ordeal, but how it went... Well, if you're ready, you can read it and see for yourself.

    Her skin was soft.

    His fingers were marking long lines, as though they were carving a riverbed. He felt her trembling under his touch. She smelled of gun powder, blood, lilac and vanilla. And fear. He never saw her like that before. He knew he managed to break her - and he didn't even started what he intended to. Which, in the end, would brake her even more. 

    His grip was strong. She felt his warm body pressing against her from behind. He held her waist with one hand, the other slowly wandered from her shoulder to the collarbone, finally wrapping long, tattooed fingers around her neck. She felt his breath; heavy, hot. Lips stroking her ear, a beard scratching the cheek.

    She trembled intensely. Not from excitement, but pure terror. Tears flew from her closed eyes, which she wanted to stop at all costs, but she lacked strength to do so. One brother made her strong; the other was breaking her down again and turning her into a weak, worthless being. She felt like a porcelain figurine, which was about to be throw on the floor in any moment.

_Amazing Grace..._

    Faith's voice rang in her head, tormenting her. John intended to destroy her physically - the memories of a young girl whom Dep had killed in cold blood two weeks earlier had the task of destroying her psyche. So that how her punishment looked like. This was the prive for all the sins she commited, for shed blood and for the destruction of many families who saw the actual defender in Eden's Gate. How many husbands, fathers and sons have she killed? She lost count. She never actually thought about it. Now she saw their faces. All of them, with every single detail. 

  _How sweet the sound..._

    A cloud of hot air hit her in the face. John smelled of cologne, blood and alcohol. Dep realized that there was still fresh blood on his fingers. She didn't know who it belonged to; she was sure, however, that its owner didn't survive the meeting with the Inquisitor. The youngest of the Seed brothers was about to hear someone's confession. But that person didn't wanted to comply and paid the highest price. Then he went to his home and poured whisky into the glass. He drank three glasses of it. Enough to let his judgment become more clouded, but still not enough to make him maxed out. After that he came upstairs and saw her where she left her last morning. She was weak, tired, bruised. He saw the fire in her eyes still burning strong, but at the same time he was looking at a person who was too tired to fight.

    The hand covering her waist went lower, lifting her blouse, and then stroking her thigh. He stuck his fingers into the soft, warm body. The woman moaned softly, miserably, like an embarrassed and shy teenage girl.

    He understood. And sighed with enchantment.

    _"You're pure..."_   He murmured in her ear, kissing the earlobe with delicateness, under which one could feel the note of a threat. _"The hard crust of cynicism and hatred hid such a dizzying innocence."_ The kiss became more rough and she felt his teeth biting her skin. A thin trickle of blood flowed over the pale skin, slowly drifting down to her jaw. The woman sobbed quietly, but John was not fooled by it. He heard hatred and a promise of revenge in her despair. The wolf's whirring among the song of the bird. His hand went up from her thigh, his fingers gently stroked the flower petals. She moaned again, this time with more hatred. The hand he squeezed around her neck lifted her chin, bending her head so that he could look her in the eye. For the first time in what felt like eternity, but in reality was just a few minutes.

    He saw in them the will to murder. And fear.

    At first she refused to make eye contact, but she gathered her courage. She looked into his face. The black pupils took over the light blue of his irises. Dark hair, always neatly arranged were now in disarray, and a few strands fell on his face. His lips were slightly parted. She felt a strong smell of alcohol. And sweat. And disgusting, sick, sadistic desire.

 _"You're mine."_ He whispered menacingly, squeezing her throat when she replied him with a low growl. _"And if anyone will dare to deny it... If anyone will dare to take you away from me..."_   He slid his fingers into her entrance without a warning, taking her breath away. _"I will skin them alive."_

He kissed her, and it was far from delicate. His beard sorely scratched her skin, and when she refused to part her lips, he forced her to do it by biting into her lower lip, sucking blood from the wound. John's fingers deftly maneuvered inside her, forcing her to moan. She bowed her legs, as if she wanted to kneel on the ground, make him leave her, but he didn't allow her to, squeezing her neck even more, forcing her to stay in a standing position. He broke away from her lips and began to kiss her jaw, his teeth dangerously balanced on the edge of piercing the skin and dropping more blood.

  _"I will have your head on a stake, and your body thrown into the mud."_ She hissed, trying to pull his hand away from her neck. Her words stirred him, however - the grip became even stronger, practically preventing her from breathing. He pulled his fingers out of her, only to brutally throw her on the bed and crush her body with his own. His hand grabbed woman's hip and squeezed it deeper into the soft bedding. She felt his damp fingers digging deep into her skin, and it was as if her instincts suddenly started to kick in. She tried to strike him with her knee between his legs, but she only managed to lightly touch the belt supporting his pants. The man growled and thrust his leg into her thigh, forcing the woman to scream, which he suppressed when he released his grip on her neck and put his hand on her lips. Her screams turned into silent moans that reminded him so much of Hudson's quiet, indistinct begging, tied to a chair in the depths of the bunker.

  _"Sssshhhh."_ John tried to silence the woman trapped under his body. The drops of sweat on his chest gleamed in the pale, warm light of a lamp standing near the bed. The blue shirt was disheveled, all buttons unpinned. She saw his body, covered in tattoos and scars and in that moment her panic reached a critical point - she noticed his hand starting to unbuckle his trousers belt, which took him no more than five seconds before he threw it on the floor. _"Sssshhh. Calm down. There is no way to escape now anyway. Just obey and it will be fine. **I promise you that.** "_

    He was right, although she would never admit it. She couldn't escape. No one heard her muffled screams. No one was coming to save her. Joseph's words echoed in her mind. Involuntarily, she began to wonder what his reaction would be if he found out what his younger brother had intended to do. Would he condemn him? Would he react in any way at all? Perhaps would he approve this as a form of punishment? Paradoxically, she felt the safest while she was locked in a cold cage, deep in the mountains. Listening to the wolves howling. She would be willing to sacrifice a hundred innocent human souls just to be able to go back there, just to get away from John. In the end, Jacob seemed to be lesser evil. Maybe he wasn't evil at all?

    Where was the devil? She wanted to sign a pact with him, so why had he disappeared right now when she needed him the most?

    Or maybe he was here. Maybe she was imprisoned under his body in that very moment. 

    She heard the sound of material falling to the ground next to the bed, and then there was a staggering pain between her legs. The woman's body bent, as if to chase away the intruder, but it was too late. John tightened one hand around her neck to calm her down, while the other held her hip. His head was slightly higher than hers - she felt his beard rub against her forehead, she saw his Adam's apple and tried to raise her head and bite into it, just to give him some pain. He sensed her intentions and pinned her to the bed more tightly.

    His movements, at first slow, gained a bit on speed and strength. If for the first few seconds he was slightly gentle, now he wanted to fill his own needs and nothing more. Contrary to her expectations, he didn't fuck her like an animal. His movements were somewhat thought out. He pushed into her deeply, with a lot of force, but not too fast. Slow, actually. Were it not for circumstances, she would have considered him a blessing. Right now, however, he was just a pure monster. The man's hot, jerking breath was attacking her ear. She knew why he did this. John knew that she would never agree to give herself to him willingly, so he lost his patience and decided to take her by force. 

    So far, she tried to push the man away with her hands, but it didn't matter now. She wanted to inflict pain in any form, even the most pathetic. She put her arms around him and painfully dug her nails into his taut back, with determination and rage pulling them down. She felt her fingers begin to burn her, but the warm blood that poured from John's skin soothed that pain. Made it worth it. 

    He growled, falling even harder on her body. If he would've done it with more force, he would crush her. He was now balancing on a thin border, rubbing his body, covered in sweat against her own. His wet blue shirt seemed to be more pleasant to touch than he himself. The woman moaned with rage and resignation when she felt the heat pouring inside her. John thrusted into her one last time and painfully bit her on the shoulder, saliva dripped from his mouth onto her skin like if he was an animal. Both of them were panting, but for a whole different reasons. She didn't even have the strength to cry. John didn't break her in the way he wanted - he wanted her to obey him in every way possible, but instead he just turned her into an empty, soulless shell. He took away any remnants of humanity that remained in her after months of fighting the cult.

    He stood up after a few minutes, giving her one last look before leaving the bedroom. Deputy heard him as he went down the stairs, then curled up and closed her eyes. To her surprise, she fell asleep almost immediately.

    She dreamed about freedom.


	8. Tough, toxic love - John

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ok, just wanted to say that I'm a total thot for dark and evil version of John Seed. And I need to write more about him.  
>  ~~Can he just raw me and end my misery, fuck~~
> 
> Also, since I'm always describing my Dep's relationship with the Seeds (John + Jacob) as quite toxic, I decided to actually do something with it.
> 
> Warning: abuse, manipulation, angst, drama, all this dark stuff that I like. Nothing explicit, though. I prefer to write about mental abuse than pure torture.

    Although John's presence usually involved chaos, she to admit one thing - he could walk noiselessly, like a cat. She didn't hear him when he appeared behind her. Irina was sitting on the soft, fluffy carpet in the living room of his ranch, looking at the flames dancing in the fireplace. The Baptist sat behind her. First, she felt his beard irritating her skin - then a warm, wet tongue stroking her neck. He kissed her with a strange passion, but the woman was not fooled. She knew that it was not pure love, but rather a twisted desire. He wanted her just for himself and was furious when anyone else was near her. Obsession. Dangerous and toxic. 

    She tried to fight him at first, but after few weeks and three kidnappings she just had no strength to fight him anymore. She was cold, descibed even as a "silent evil" by some people. But deep inside she was just a shy, terrified girl, who wanted to run away to some safe place. But there wasn't a safe place in this County, not even one. Henbane was full of Bliss even after Faith's death. In the Mountains there were hunters and Jacob himself. In the Valley she had to deal with John and his advances, that at first were quite subtle and... Irina had to admit that she was intrigued by him, even if she was aware that he was her enemy. Now, however, she was not intrigued by him.

    She was **fascinated** by him.

    However, she was unable to admit it to anyone. Even to herself. So she lived with this quiet fascination, trying to kill it, and instead to wake up hatred. She wanted to hate John Seed, she wanted to be disgusted of him. But for some reason she couldn't resist him - she couldn't say "no" to him when his hands wandered over her body and slid under her loose nightgown, violating every zone of her privacy. She sighed quietly, swallowing nervously and closing her eyes. John sensed her fear and relished in it, like a wolf lovingly tearing the victim's body. She felt his hot breath on her neck, more and more chaotic, jerky. She knew what he was going for.

    And she couldn't take it anymore.

_"Stop."_

    She wanted it to sound like an order - to stimulate John's memories of his childhood when he was being punished by the violent voice of his brutal father. Perhaps she managed to do so, though she knew that her voice was trembling - raised, firm, but trembling. John slowly pulled away from her neck, one hand still holding her waist, while the other gently clenched on her neck. At that moment, Irina understood that she had made a mistake. John hated disobedience, just like Jacob. What was interesting, however, was that John's reaction was easier to predict, despite his dangerous mood swings. Jacob was an enigma - Deputy never knew what his next step or reaction would be. Although they were brothers, they differed drastically. And some contrasts seemed to be almost unnatural.

    She held her breath for a moment, waiting. The man sustained the silence on purpose, as if giving her a chance to apologize. As if he was telling her that she could still lie down on the ground before him and beg him for forgiveness, tell him that she belongs only to him and he can do whatever he wants with her without having to listen to her protests. But it didn't happen. She was way to stubborn to beg for anything. Even if she was scared.

    He finally broke the silence, after nearly a whole minute. She heard his characteristic, throaty laugh and just knew that he had flashed his white teeth, though she couldn't see it from her current perspective. She didn't dare to turn her head and look at him.

 _"Aaaaaaahhh."_ She hated the way he spoke this word. John always did it the same way - he sounded pleased with himself, amused, as if he were saying, "I knew it would be so, I knew that you would react that way, I knew what you would say".And maybe he did. _"I wondered how long it would take you to break that barrier of weakness. Will you react as soon I come to you? When will I touch you for the first time?"_ He paused for a moment, then brought his lips closer to her ear, lowering his voice. _"Or will you wait until I finally throw you on the bed and start to **fuck you**?"_

    A shiver ran through her body. She tried to move, subtly release from his grip, but the hand holding her neck tightened even more, slowly starting to take away the woman's ability to breathe freely. Fucking master of life and death. _"Answer me when I ask you something."_

 _"It's nice that you at least put a bed in your plan."_ Carter hissed through clenched teeth, instinctively grabbing his wrist with her own hand, trying to pull him away from her neck. John, however, remained unfazed, acknowledging her pathetic attempts with a mocking snort.

    _"I did."_   John's tongue brushed her earlobe, and then she felt his teeth gripping it painfully. Irina was sure that the warm liquid running down her skin was blood. Her blood. _"But I can change my plans if you continue to be insolent. I must admit that I think about it more and more."_

She didn't answer him for a long moment, trying to overcome the squeeze in her throat. She let out another, trembling breath, her free hand gripping on his shirt, just above the pants. It was a defensive reflex; no thoughtful reaction. She realized her mistake when she heard a quiet, pleased murmur, and out of the corner of her eye she saw his quivering Adam's apple.

  _"I can't kill you."_   She said quietly, wetting her chapped lips with her tongue. John froze, no doubt waiting for the woman to continue, breathing in her neck that was already moist from his saliva. _"But someone else will do it for me, and I will look at it with pleasure."_

    John reacted extremely fast, and his brutality made the woman moan. She felt her back strike against the soft carpet, and after a moment John's knee pressed painfully against her underbelly. She didn't want to look in his face, so he grabbed her by the chin, forcing eye contact.

    The man's light-blue eyes were wild. Hers, dark brown, shined with cold and quiet hatred. Hatred that was so delicate it could be mistaken with a loving kiss. Yes, she loved him, even though he was a monster, and even though she didn't believe in her feelings herself. He loved her too, but it was love born of pure obsession. In both cases their feelings were like deadly poison. Their relationship was therefore dangerous, incorrect, but... Strangely stable. Sick, twisted, but stable. They were enemies, lovers, hated and loved each other at the same time. With Jacob it was more simple. With Jacob everything was about pure dominance, and it made her feel at peace. 

    There was no peace with John, though.

  _"I have a bad news for you, **my love**."_   He almost hissed the last two words, as if with contempt, and something else that Irina could not understand. _"I will live long enough for you to stop wanting my death. I swear it."_

    She shivered as the man's sharp teeth caught on her lower lip, playing with it like a psychopath with his victim. In a way it was just like that.

  _"No."_   She scolded, trying to push him away from with her knees. _"I don’t want to think about you anymore. I don’t want to see your face in my mind, hear your words in my ears. I want you to just dissapear and never. Come. Back."_

  He laughed mockingly. _"Your dreams are adorable. It makes my heart twist in pain, knowing that they will never come true."_ He bit her again, this time in the jaw, and Irina felt his muscles relax. She was waiting for that for a moment of inattention on his part. Suddenly she focused all strength in her body - there was not much of it, but the sense of the moment did its job... And the tables have turned. John growled when he suddenly landed on his back. The thin, pale fingers of the woman clenched on his neck, while his hands, first preparing to punch her, suddenly dug into her hips. Painfully. 

  _"Aaaand there you are, my little banshee."_   He seemed amused, smiling ominously. _"Took you long enough. I was starting to get bored."_

  _"Oh, my apologies."_   She growled, then began to clench her hands with all her strength on his neck. John coughed, but did not hit her, despite what she expected. Instead, he was even more intensely hammering his own fingers into her body, knowing that he was causing her a lot of pain. It seemed suspicious, but in the heat of a moment, she didn't wanted to think about it. 

_KILL. SACRIFICE._

    John Seed would be her sacrifice.

    _"You won't do it. You CAN'T do it."_ He spluttered, still somehow smiling, even though he couldn't breathe. _"You admitted it a few moments ago. You just can't, because you know that your life depends on mine."_   He paused... And then played dirty. _"Pratt's life depends on mine, Banshee."_

    She shivered, parting her mouth in a silent surprise. He was right. When news of John's death would reach his eldest brother, Pratt would be condemned to the most painful death possible. Maybe skinned alive, or thrown to the wolves to devour. Hudson also wouldn't survive, but she... She wasn't so important to Irina. Everyone had a certain value in her mind. No, she was not the hero of this story, the saviour of Hope County as Resistance believed. She was a villain, just like the Seeds. Just in a different way. And still - Staci's life mattered. A lot. He was the only person she trusted after she lost her father. The only person that understood her, even if he was a douchebag. He was like a brother to her. Would she have the strength to sentence him to die, only because she wanted to kill another person that was important to her, but in a different way?

 _"Come on, dear."_   He murmured, feeling the grip on his throat lose its strength. He slowly rose from the ground, sitting down in front of her, letting her sit on his lap. Her eyes were blank, staring to the side. John fondly ran his fingertips over her face. _"Ssshhhh. It's going to be okay. **I** will make it okay."_ He whispered, then kissed her earlobe with tenderness she wasn't expecting, but was also to terrified to actually register. _"I will make it **perfect.** For both of us."_

    And she did believe him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yep, my Dep is called Banshee by people in Hope County. John especially.


	9. Lost cause - Jacob [kind-of]

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Angst, drama, violence, blood, yeehaw.  
> Also, Eli x Jacob stuff because Ubisoft didn't give us any.

    It was so, _so_ quiet.

    Way too quiet.

    Maybe it was his intuition, or maybe a simple premonition - Eli  knew that such a ghostly silence was at least disturbing. The mountains were a war zone. Shouts, shooting, exploding cars, helicopters falling from the sky were heard almost everywhere, anytime. And yet this night was unbelievably calm. No alarm signals. The radio at Wolf's Den was silent. No one asked for help. There were no threats from Jacob.

    But he haven't heard ominously _"Only You"_ playing anywhere in the distance. His radio didn't tremble at Jacob's husky, threatening voice. The man tapped his fingers against the desk, looking at the screens showing the view from nearby cameras. Nothing suspicious. He sighed quietly. In a way, the situation ot more quiet during the last week - Jacob's people apparently decided to stop their attacks, and the frequency of random, unexpected shootings dropped significantly. Eli was not sure what was behind it. Jacob was up to something and it was certain, but it was impossible to predict what exactly he was planning. 

    At least he didn't know where the Den is. Otherwise he would be here already.

    Quiet.

    Quiet.

    So, so quiet.

    Muffled scream.

    Silence...

_Scream._

    Eli jumped through the desk, grabbing his bow and going toward the exit from the bunker. He walked quietly down the stairs and looked around. The entrance was open, which was nothing new. He saw, however, a trickle of fresh blood flowing down near the steel door. He touched it with his finger. Fresh, still warm.

    He didn't see the body anywhere, but he was sure that the scream he'd heard was real. Out of the corner of his eye he saw members of the militia behind him, armed to their teeth, ready to fight. He stopped them with a short hand gesture. He wanted to make sure that it's safe outside. It was already certain that someone got killed here. Eli didn't know who did this, but if he had to take a pick, most surely it was a hunter. Getting rid of someone in a quiet and fast way was their calling card. Eli cursed under his breath. Why would Jacob's men went so far? What if they actually found the Den at this point?

    And where the hell was Dep?

_"Pathetic. Will you just sit in hiding all the time? Do you really want to wait out this war?"_

Jacob. There was self-confidence and mockery in his voice. He must have had an ace up his sleeve - or he just felt too confident. He could wait and do it quietly, but he preferred to speak and reveal his position. Bravura or stupidity? Eli was not sure of anything but one. Jacob Seed was definitely not stupid. So he surely had an advantage. Or at least he thought so. 

  _"Eli, don't!"_   Wheaty whispered frantically, trying to catch his arm. Palmer gave him a short, cold look. It was enough for a young man to go silent. Eli slowly stepped outside, clutching his fingers on the bow. As it turned out, he faced the oldest Seed himself. Jacob's red hair contrasted against the dark sky. In his right hand he held his characteristic sniper rifle, gleaming with bright red. About a dozen of his hunters stood aroun, and the wolves with silvery white furs and bodies covered with numerous scars circled between their legs. Judges. Jacob didn't take all his people with him - probably only the best ones. However, the fact that he appeared in this place personally - because he usually didn't move outside the Veteran's Center - meant that he actually put a lot of weight on the whole operation. This fucker must have known the location of Wolf's Den for some time and just waited for the right moment to attack.

 _"Took you some time."_ Eli stroked his long beard, looking dorectly in the pale eyes of his archenemy. This was it. Judgment Day. _"I was thinkin' you'll never make it, Jacob."_

 Seed only smiled. In his own, ominous way. _"And here I am. Giving you another chance, even though you pissed on the last one. Put down your guns. You know you have no chance in winning this anyway. Hand over your Whitetails and go away."_

 _"I didn't agree to this the first time and I won't now. You're commiting mass genocide and there's no way I'm gonna stop fighting for what is right."_ He sounded calm, even though he knew that they can't win this fight. The only chance... Was nowhere to be seen. He haven't heard from Dep for two weeks. He wasn't even sure if she's still alive. Last time he saw her she said that she must leave because Jacob made a mortal danger out of her. She didn't want to take any risks. It was probably clever move, but still risky. Everything seemed to be risky right now. Including breathing.

 _"Hmph."_   Jacob shrugged, then looked at his men. _"Well, it's your choice, Palmer."_ Seed glanced around at the Militia, clearly looking for someone specific. Eli already knew who. _"Where is the girl?"_ It wasn't really a question, but a demand. It was clear that he will ask this only once. The only good thing in this was that it could mean only one thing - Jacob didn't have her. He didn't capture her. He also didn't know where she was. 

 _"Outside of your reach. You're not going to terrorize her anymore."_ Maybe he will think that she managed to get out from the County. It was a desperate try, and Jacob probably wouldn't believe it. But it was no way to guess what was on his mind. It looked like he smiled, though. And this smile seemed to look quite... Hungry. With one swift movement of his hand, he unfastened the pin and threw the grenade straight under Eli's leg. It rolled down, falling into the entrance of the bunker. At one moment panic screams were heard, and chaos began. Judges howled and attacked, thrusting their teeth into Whitetails legs and arms. Few of Eli's men managed to stop them by hitting them and pushing them back. He hid behind a nearby boulder, tensing the bow string, ready to fire.

    He didn't see Jacob. It would seem that the man disappeared, like a ghost.

    Eli heard the characteristic crack of breaking bottles. Molotovs. The grass burned immediately, and fire quickly spread around the area, reaching the surrounding bushes and trees. The man knew that the only hope for victory was to kill the main culprit, here and now. He heard the loud sound of the shot, and second after saw Tammy falling to the ground. Blood flew from her forehead. _Fuck._

There was no time to mourn now. Eli was shooting until he understood that he has just one arrow left. He decided to make sure that it will hit the main target. But first, he had to find him. And he saw him - Jacob seemed to challenge Eli. One on one. This could be his chance. He accepted the challenge and set off safely behind Seed, letting him lead, trying not to lose him - which was actually hard. This man could naturally camouflage himself, even though his hair could be noticed from mile away.

    They left a few hundred meters from the burning field of battle. Eli was angry and embittered, leaving his people behind, but he decided to fight the greater evil. They reached a small clearing. Jacob was already there for about a minute. He put his rifle on the stone and pulled out a large army knife. With a red handle.  _Seriously?_

 _"Well, that would be it. You're weak, but I'm giving you a chance to prove yourself."_ Eli looked at him cautiously, still holding his bow. With the last arrow. Jacob was about five meters away. One arrow. One shot. Palmer decided that playing a brave hero would be stupid right now. He had an advantage in this very moment. Jacob only had a knife. He couldn't be that fast. And Eli couldn't miss his shot.

    He tensed the bow string. It took him less than a second to properly aim, right between Jacob's eyes. He released his arrow.

    Eli Palmer didn't miss.

    And Jacob Seed turned out to be **_really fast._**

He sensed what would happen. Seed was a good observer - he saw Eli's fingers clenching on the bow as he led his eyes over his face, looking for the right place to aim. He knew where the arrow would go and just before it got released, he bent down. The arrow hit the body, however. Not Jacob's, but a member of the Militia who probably wanted to attack him from behind and help Eli. He paid for it with his life and fell to the ground, with the arrowhead centered in the eye.

  _"And I thought that **she** was killing everyone but not the ones that she wanted to."_   Jacob chuckled darkly and launched himself at Eli, who let his bow drop to the ground and aimed his knee at his enemy's ribs. Jacob growled in pain, but otherwise he seemed quite unimpressed. He pointed his knife at the throat, wanting to cut it. _So impatient._ He didn't manage to do so, though. Eli grabbed his wrist and twisted it painfully, forcing the man to move the knife nimbly from one hand to the other. This move somewhat fooled Palmer, who didn't take advantage of the opportunity to attack, instead embracing the defensive - bouncing to the side, wanting to play on time. Counting that Jacob will get tired and make a mistake. Which was unlikely given his combat experience and training.

    It was a long fight. Jacob's knife managed to cut the skin on Eli's cheek and his right thigh. The face of the oldest Seed was also stained with blood, mainly flowing from his nose. Both were wounded and tired. And then Jacob literally jumped on his enemy, knocking Eli to the ground, curling his hand into a fist and aiming straight at his face. He heard the crackle of a broken bone and felt the blood spilling over his fingers. Palmer coughed, spat blood, unsuccessfully trying to kick him between his legs. Jacob grabbed the knife lying on the ground next to him, ready to end this fight.

    And then he heard something that sounded a bit like the whir of a furious cougar. Something fell on him and knocked him off his target. The tables have turned - now he was on the ground with his enemy above him. He cursed under his breath, irritated that he lost his guard. At first he thought he was going to fight with an actual, bloodthirsty cat. He knew that this goddamn Deputy had one. He wouldn't be surprised if it would be actually this one. But suddenly he realized that it isn't her pet. It wasn't a cougar at all.

    It was actually _her._

Indeed, like a furious cougar, a woman attacked his throat. He saw the flash of the knife she held in her hand. Rage shining in his eyes, drops of sweat running down his face. Her hair was moist, sticking to her body. She had to fight earlier, probably at the Wolf's Den. He saw the blood on her clothes. The fangs of one of the Judges teared at the bottom of her blouse. Deputy was bleeding. Jacob took advantage of her inattention and kicked her painfully between her legs while grasping her wrist. The woman howled and dug her fingers into the man's scarred cheek - he felt her uneven, broken nails break through the skin. However, he would not allow her to deal more serious injuries than a scratch - with one hand he held her wrist, and the other would support his legs and pushed her aside. She was light - too light and too weak to counteract. She landed on the dirty ground with a thud. She tried to get up - Jacob saw blood spill from her parted lips. He moved, trying to grab her hair. He didn't manage to.

    Heavily wounded Eli lunged at him, which was a very unreasonable move. Jacob grabbed the knife dropped by Deputy and thrust it into the throat of his enemy. Palmer snarled, choking on his own blood, then fell to the ground, dead.

    Rook howled, then sobbed miserably, turning her head away. Jacob approached her before she managed to get up from the ground and grabbed her delicate neck, pulling her closer to the body of her dead friend.

 _"Look at him."_  He ordered, squeezing her throat when she tried to look away and closed her yes. _"This is how your heroic acts of bravery end."_

She looked and tried to struggle out from his grasp. He noticed the knife that she was trying to reach with her hand. Jacob punished her for it - kicked her in the abdomen and pinned her to the ground, his fingers still clutched around her throat. He put the other on her wounded belly. At the beginning, gentle, almost tender. Then he started to press on the wound. Hard. He didn't stop even when she let out a muffled scream. _"Either you will obey me, or I will start breaking your bones, one by one, while naming them. I will make sure that you don't lose consciousness, so you will feel it."_  He stopped choking her, instead grabbing her chin, forcing her to make eye contact. _"Understand?"_

She looked at him angrily, but after her body relaxed, he knew she was giving up.

  _"Good."_   Jacob got up, then grabbed a small rock in his hand. _"We have a lot of work to do. I'm not done with you yet."_

    He hit her in the back of her head, instantly depriving her of the consciousness, then simply threw her on his back, taking his sniper rifle along the way, and headed back to the Veteran's Center.


	10. The Baptist's confession - [John x Holly, kind of]

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So! This was my gift for unclefungusthegoat on tumblr, because today [27th March] Far Cry 5 has it's first anniversary. 
> 
> This is John Seed and Holly angst and drama. I'm not sure if it can be called pairing, the decision is up to you honestly. Also, there are heavy mentions of the Deputy.

    She waited for him where at the same place as always - in the southwest of the ranch, by the river bank. So far away that they would not risk being noticed, yet close enough that they would be able to return or call for support if they encountered a wild, furious animal. John may have been _bold and brave_ , but he was not his big bad brother. Jacob would be able to fight off a cougar or a bear. The Baptist – not really.

    He never told his people why he was going there, and they, obedient and believing in his every action, didn’t ask any questions. They could be extremely sensitive to the safety of their herald, but they also believed that the Seed family was surrounded by God's protection and no one could touch them. No one could harm them. No one could kill them.

    Maybe they were right.

    She heard the soft crackling of small branches and leaves as he approached her. He was careful not to hook his valuable clothes on shrubs; he always took care of his appearance, no matter what the situation was. Holly sat on a large boulder, watching him with curious eyes. The man approached her slowly, with natural and delicate elegance. The right corner of his mouth rose slightly in a charming smile, and blue eyes glittered. The night was extremely bright - no clouds obscured the stars and the moon. Everything was transparent, beautiful, mysterious.

_“_ _Y_ _ou didn’t have to wait too long, I hope?”_

    His voice was velvety, extremely pleasant to the ear. It mixed gentleness and charisma, but all this seemed to be just a cover for the truth - and the truth took the form of a barely audible, though certainly present note of the threat that passed through his tongue like a snake wrapping around a flower twig. She melted whenever he spoke, although it was impossible to say that she actually loved him. Their secret meetings served rather to kill loneliness. Somewhere deep down, Holly was still devoted to her ex-husband, even if at the end he became a monster and she was forced to take his life away in order to save herself. In the beginning, however, it was a relationship formed out of pure love and the woman still clung to this early memory. John was just a sort of escape and relief for her, but nothing more. At least she was telling herself so.

_“I did_ _n’t_ _even feel the passage of time,_ _honestly.”_ She admitted, smiling gently, looking at the calmly flowing river reflecting the light of the stars. This night seemed to be taken out straight from the poetic world, but somewhere deep inside it still carried something disturbing. Holly felt it, but she tried to ignore the strange feeling. _“I like this place. It seems to be far away from all the problems.”_

    John chuckled melodiously and came closer, looking at the river, more focused on the water surface than the woman sitting next to him. He leaned his fingertips against the cold stone, tapping on a specific rhythm, which Holly could not recognize in any way.

_“Did anything interesting happened lately?”_

    The woman shook her head after a brief moment of consideration. _"No. My life is usually calm, you know_ _that_ _. I'm..._ " She hesitated for a moment, her head lowered. _"I am far from the chaos that is_ _currently around.”_

    It would seem that Holly was afraid to mention the situation in the county, especially when John was nearby. And although there was a note of something dangerous in his eyes, as though some negative memory had passed through his head - maybe one, maybe a few - he just nodded his head in understanding. She heard how dangerous his mood swings were, but he seemed to be careful around her. She hadn’t yet had the opportunity to be an actual witness to his anger and sincerely hoped that it would remain so.

_"Surprising how_ _just_ _ **one person**_ _can turn our peaceful garden into a war zone, is_ _n’t it_ _?"_ The question was rhetorical, so Holly didn’tt answer. She knew exactly what circled John's mind in this moment, and she didn’t want to drill it down. It was pure caution. No matter how well he might look, how charming his smile could be, she knew that he was something more. She just didn’t say it out loud for obvious reasons. Most of the people in Eden’s Gate knew the truth as well – but they were either too fanatical or too scared to do anything with it.

_“_ _You okay?”_ She asked cautiously, looking at him searchingly, but not keenly. John lowered his head and looked at her too. And as usual, all his thoughts and worries were covered by his characteristic, enigmatic smile, combining warmth with something disturbing.

_"_ _Ju_ _st thoughts._ _T_ _hey haunt us all at any time._ _T_ _here's nothing to worry about. They're a natur_ _al_ _part of our existence."_ He responded with his typical eloquence, grabbing her gently by the palm of her hand, brushing her skin with his fingertips. She returned the touch with due care, letting out air from her lungs. John gave her a sense of security, letting her forget about everything for a moment - but she never forget who he was and what was he doing. She still heard all those screams of people kept in his bunker, begging for mercy, trying to understand what is happening and where are their families. Holly wanted to ask him multiple times – was it truly necessary? Why did they have to act with such brutality towards other people?

_“_ _Something is bothering you.”_ John noticed, watching her closely, investigating her every reaction. Seeing every flash in her eyes, muscle twitching, unevenness in her breath. He took a step backward, still holding the woman's hand, ordering her to get up. _"Is there something you want to talk about?_ _Something to confess, my dear?_ _"_

    Holly shivered slightly, then looked into his eyes. They almost seemed to shine. A bright blue light that blends in perfectly with the man's characteristic blue shirt. His eyes seemed to flawlessly pierce her through. One look was enough for John to know what the person was thinking about. No one could hide the truth from him.

    Well, almost no one.

_“_ _You can think about it for a while. Come with me.”_ His attitude, until now quite tense, seemed to change rapidly. He relaxed, leading the woman to the bank of the river. She felt the cool water on her legs and sighed quietly. John's grip on her hand gained some strength. _"This time_ _ **I**_ _want to confess something to you. And to God._ _Because something is bothering_ _ **me**_ _.”_ He paused and looked at her. She could swore that for a brief moment she saw something change in him. He seemed nervous. _“Will you listen?”_

    Holly was surprised by this turn of events and needed a moment to speak and whisper a delicate, barely audible _"Yes"._ John smiled subtly at the corner of his mouth - this smile, although gentle and beautiful as ever, carried a note of something unsettling.

_"Come."_

    She followed him into the deeper part of the river, feeling the water wrap her waist. She took a moment to observe the droplets of water, sparkling gently in the moonlight, running down her hand. They stood side by side in silence, until he spoke again. _“I wanted to confess this for a long time. It took me a while to realize what is happening with me and what I’m feeling. I had to find a courage to say it out loud. To_ _ **show it.**_ _Because no matter how hard we try to fight our sins, they always come back. It is to be seen either we can fight them off, or are we going to lose.”_ She listened to him, curious, fascinated by his voice. So silky. Like honey. Sweet, sweet…

    ~~Venom~~.

_“_ _Can I trust you?”_ John finally asked, looking at her cautiously. Waiting for the word he loved so much, the word that was his private bliss. And he heard it.

_“Yes.”_ She whispered, and he ran his tattooed hand over her hair.

_“I always loved my family. My brothers.”_ He started, sighing slightly. He looked dreamy. Peaceful. _“Even when I was separated from them, I still loved them, because I felt them somewhere deep inside of me. Yes. I loved them more than anything else; or perhaps I actually never loved anything apart from them. I met many people. I gave them my body, and they were giving me theirs. But it was never out of any feelings. It was just a need. Lust.”_

    He paused for a moment, running his fingers over the water's surface, painting patterns that lasted no more than a second. _“Joseph teached me how to fight it. I confessed all my sins and I atoned for them. Felt the pain that I deserved. It felt so wonderful. I was free. And then...”_ His eyes glittered and he took a long breath. _“And then I realized that I love someone. It took some time. Few years. Everything changed. I love someone who isn’t part of my family. I opened my heart to an intruder, but the price for it is truly horrific. Because my love is unreciprocated love. And I tried to fight it for some time. But I failed. I admit it, and you know what?”_ John looked at her, and there was nothing mild in his gaze anymore, even though he was speaking calmly, in tthat beautiful manner of his. _“_ _ **I surrender.**_ _”_

    Holly swallowed hard, thinking about what to say. Or should she say anything? Would it be wise? It seemed like John was on the edge of patience, that he might lose the fight with his own anger and frustration. But she found the courage and finally spoke.

_“_ _Loving someone is not a sin.”_ She murmured, trembling slightly. _“It’s the most pure thing in the world.”_

_“_ _My love is not pure, though.”_ John countered. _“It is love born out of hate. It’s not pure, it’s not good. It is the child of wrath and lust. Deep love, but it doesn’t change the fact that it is toxic. Jealous love.”_

_“And you want to atone for it?”_

    She was sure what the answer will be. She knew how much he loved this word, he loved how it danced on his tongue, like a ballet dancer on stage.

_“_ _No.”_

    Holly blinked and felt a chill run down her spine. _“Then what do you want to do?”_

_“_ _What is necessary.”_ He explained, then put his hand on her chest, tracing the line of her collarbone with his fingers. _“I need to get rid of everything that makes me feel insecure. I need to focus on the person that is responsible for my torment. You, my dear Holly, know too much_ _about me_ _, and in order of everything to work out perfectly, I need to get you out of my mind.”_ Her eyes widened as she understood what he was aiming at. Her heart beat harder when fear pierced her body.

_“_ _I am sorry. But know that I’m doing it because of love.”_ John took a deep breath, an then his hand clutched around woman’s throat. _“Love for the devil, caged in a body of a mortal woman, that is currently destroying everything my family worked for.”_

    ~~Oh, sweet Deputy, you broke the first seal, and I’m breaking the second one.~~

    His hand ached painfully on her throat, while the other with a violent force pushed the woman underwater. Holly only managed to moan, then the cold water began to pour into her mouth, depriving her of the possibility of breathing. She grabbed the man by the arm, desperately trying to push him away, or at least dissuade him from the current decision. But John remained adamant and still held her under the surface, ignoring the pain that her nails left, digging into his skin painfully.

    Struggle. Splashing water. Silent chaos, fight for survival.

    And then silence. Release.

    He let her body flow down along the river, watching it for some time, and then left.

    When John was standing by the door to his ranch, he heard a loud explosion in the distance. A cloud of smoke was painted on the morning sky. Another silo.

    There was only one person brave and stupid enough to do it.

 


End file.
